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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in
anselmo_2's InsaneJournal:
| Monday, July 13th, 2009 | |
| 9:46 am | My Birthday Well today is my birthday and no one has said Happy Birthday to me. What is kinda ironic is I am now the same age my Mom was when she died from Cancer. Current Mood:  blank |
| Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 | |
| 10:03 am | my idiot brother Ugh my brother Earle is back it again. He may go back to prison. Why because he was stupid when he seen his wife climbing out of the house through a window he pulled her back in via the hair and she started kicking, scratching, biting. I guess he clocked her. A part of me understands why he did what he did meaning by trying to get her in the house not hitting, and another also understands his side. that is his version Hers is he pulled her by the hair onto the bed and started beating her she tried to push him off with her legs(once) so where is his kicking hmmmm, scratching. I think what happened is since she was drunk and he seen her climbing out of the window he was trying to stop her as the day this happened we had a major cold snap hitso in his way he was looking out for her, but he should of called the police and notified them she was drunk and was outside that would of avoided all this. Current Mood:  bitchy |
| Tuesday, May 27th, 2008 | |
| 6:51 pm | Graduation Wow it is hard to believe my oldest. Just graduated from high school on the 23rd. Come the 15th of June she goes to jazz band camp at the college she will be attending. |
| Thursday, March 20th, 2008 | |
| 12:27 am | Do wounds ever heal Play I want comments and suggestions on this please this is my First draft. Do Wounds Ever Heal? By: Amy Cox Tate Ann: Is Sue’s Aunt but they share a unique quality they are closer then any sisters. ( Age 43) Sue: Is Ann’s Niece like mentioned earlier they are more like sister then sisters are.They treasure friendship of sharing and understanding without really speaking. (Age 38) Ann and Sue walk off the porch of the old abandon house and sit on opposite benches and look at where they came from. Sue: Can I ask you a question? Ann: Sure what? Sue: Do you know how I hurt my right shoulder when I was younger? Ann: No what did your mom and dad say? Sue: That’s weird. My mom took me to the ER and told them I was doing cartwheels. Now you damn well know I can’t pull a cartwheel I never could. My dad wasn’t home. Ann: Ok and Sue: When I got home I told my mom that my dad had me upside down and dropped me. Ann: What did your mom do? Sue: I don’t remember isn’t that weird. Hey weren’t you suppose to stay over that night? I remember my mom taking you home crying why? Ann: Yes I was. Sue: Why? Ann: Your mom took me home so I would not worry about you. (Gets up and moves to the bench Sue is sitting on and sits next to her.) Sue: How are we going to deal with this? Ann: I don’t know. I know I am scared. Sue: Me too. I don’t want anything to happen to you. Ann: Me either. I would be so lost without you. (Grabs Sue’s hands for comfort to each other) Sue: Then what do we do? Ann: Nothing what can be done? Sue: I don’t know really. I was just thinking out loud. Ann: I know. Who would believe us after all these years? Sue: I don’t know. Ann: We really should have told when it happened years ago. Sue: Yes I know, but we were afraid. What would happen to us? (Talking the first thought off the top of their head) Ann: Yes. Sue: Would we be taken away? Ann: Would we ever get to see each other? Sue: Would we be together? Ann: If not could we communicate? Sue: Would we know where the other was? Ann: God how I wish this never happened. Sue: Me too. You know when I look back on it we were used as pawns so he could get what he wanted. Ann: I know and we were robbed of our childhood. I know he is your dad but he is such a prick. Sue: I know and I am sorry. (separates herself from Ann and paces between the benches) Ann: Why are you sorry? You’re not the one who hurt me. You were hurt too. Sue: I know, but nothing like you. (wipes at a tear) Ann: True you weren’t and I am so glad nothing like this ever happened to you. (now is softly crying) Sue: Why was he like that? Ann: I don’t know. I mean why did your mom stay with that basterd? Sue: I don’t know. I always thought it was cause of us kids. Ann: Yeah but you were married by nineteen. Sue: True I was. Maybe cause of Everette still being at home and in grade school. Ann: But that makes no sense. He was never ever faithful to your mom. (walks up to the porch) Sue: (getting angry) I know. Did you know he cheated on all his wives? Ann: That would not surprise me at all. Sue: Yep. When he was married to Dale’s mom he cheated on her with Maries mom, and then he cheated on her with mine and got with Deb. Ann: That is so sick. I mean Deb is related to us. Sue: I know but Marie’s and Dale’s mom was related too and the same way as mine and Deb. Ann: God that man was sick! Sue: I know it you don’t have to tell me anything I don’t already know. I know both of us can name names that my father has been with. Ann: Yeah and the sad part is a lot of them have been family members. Sue: True but the other side of the family. Sad to say they just don’t care. Ann: So true we were always taught they were from the wrong side of the tracks and nothing but scum of the earth. Sue: True but why try and use them against us or rub them in? Ann: Because your dad thought it would bother us. Boy that should did piss him off when he seen it never did. (smiles at that memory) Sue: (walks off the porch back to the bench) So true it never did bother us and why should it when grandma taught us differently concerning the other side of the family. Ann (joins Sue chuckles) So true she did teach us a lot. Like the warning about the Rhodes. Sue: Yep roaming hands rushing fingers. (smiles) See I remember. Ann: You know I always thought that warning was because they were child molesters. If that is true why didn’t we speak out about your dad? Sue: We were scared he might hurt one of us again, so we kept our big mouths shut. Ann: So true we did. Do you think we kept quit cause of that green tomb stone we seen floating in the air with writing on it? Sue: I really don’t know. We never could read the writing on it and we never did see it the next day. Ann: No we didn’t did we, and your dad made it sound like we were dreaming. Sue: (starts pacing again between benches) Yeah he did. We were awake. Ann: I think the stone was for me to see not you so he covered up by saying we were dreaming. Sue: Why wouldn’t that surprise me about my dad. Nothing I learn about him could not surprise me. Ann: Me either. (getting angry again) Look how he tried to tell you Wayne was mine and his child. Sue: The sad part is I bought into that. Ann: You should of known better. Sue: True. You know in many ways it was like we were brain washed by my father. Ann: Yeah till we were got older and started to grow independent. Sue: (storms up on the porch and then halts at the door) You know it was my mom who told me there was no way Wayne was my half brother/cousin. She told me how she made sure after Everette was born that my dad had a vasectomy. (takes a deep breath) You know how naive I was? I had to ask what that was. Ann: It wasn’t just you who was naïve it was the both of us. ( walks up to porch and touches Sue) You know what bothers me? Sue: No what? Ann: Well you know how I was such a momma’s girls why didn’t I ever tell her what was going on? Sue: Do you think my dad threatened us with grandma’s life? Ann: NO! Because that would of scared me and I would of told her. Sue: Hmmm. Then I don’t have a clue. Ann: Me either. Did I ever tell you Mrs. Doe kept asking me if every thing was ok? Sue: I wonder why? Why didn’t she ask me when I got to her? Ann: Maybe she knew it wasn’t happening to you. Sue: Yeah, but that doesn’t explain Mrs. Smuckately asking me questions about you and Wayne. Ann: Maybe she thought something was going on with you. I don’t know. You know what I would love to tell that bastard off. (walks off porch heads towards benches) Sue (follows Ann to benches) It won’t do any good he can’t hear or see us! What good will that do for us? Ann: Well it will at least get it off our chest, and how we feel about him. Well there are times when you must express what you feel inside even though he not alive any more. Sue: Do you think that it will help us start healing? Ann: Yes we can’t hold it inside any more or it will eat us up on the inside. Sue: I don’t know if I can do this or not it is still so hard to talk about what had happen. Ann. Well you are going to have to start some where. Sue: I know but where? Ann: Well there is no better place to start than to tell your dad off, and you will not get in to trouble for doing it Sue: I hope you are right there must come a time when all this pain will go away. Ann: Yea you’re right I am so numb on the inside .I can’t feel anymore. It is so hard to open up because I don’t want to get hurt anymore. (The girls get off the benches and goes on the porch once more look inside and know this will be the last time they ever visit the house. After a minute of looking they slowly walk outside off the porch arm and arm and say ok let’s go tell that bastard off.) The End! |
| 12:14 am | Momma Cooper Momma Cooper is someone my whole family dearly loves. I told my hubby to her her a call. hmmm no answer and it was sent to another machine and that one was full. I told hubby hold on let me check the internet. I don't know why but I had this bad feeling. yep my hunch was right Momma was dead. She was 88 years old. She died on Feb 28, 2008. Darn it we didn't discover it til 2 weeks later. I would of loved to paid my last respects to Momma, and I know my family would of too. she was a dear Saintly christian woman, and her prayers wisdom and kind words will be missed. |
| 12:07 am | Is the year over yet? In less than a 2 1/2 months we have went through 3 deaths in my family. I lost a 16 year old cousin on the 28th day of Oct. Sarah was brain dead and we donated her organs maybe through her someone else will have a chance to live. Nov 17th. I had to have my husband put into ICU (Intensive Care Unit) Why? His blood sugars were 586, and I lost one of my twin uncles. My Uncle Gene passed away. If I had to pick a favorite he would be it. Gene was only 54 much to young to die. Irony of all this is my favorite aunt who is more like a sister than an aunt is battling terminal cancer, and it was her brother who died not her. My aunt is only 45 only 4 years older than me way to young. My husbands favorite Aunt passed away, and we didn't know til the day of her funeral. Even my brother-in-law didn't know til the last minute, and as soon as he found out he called us and told us. Enough about death. This has also been the worse year for Ariel. This is her first year never making Jazz Band, she has been playing Jazz since she was in 6th grade, and she is a Junior now in high school. Josh only got to play one Football game. |
| 12:04 am | A month November 19, 2006 Forgot to mention in my earlier post. This last month has been total hell. On Oct 11th at 3 am. My dogs started barking. Told my husband to get up and see why. He went to our front room and seen a shadow standing by our coat rack.He asked who was there and what are they doing. No answer. Then turns on our light sees a young man and again asked who are you and what do you want? Answers Ryan and looking for his G/F Megan. Hubby tells him there is no Megan in our home. Then states he needs to get to work. Hubby tells him we will take him and get him help let him get me up. Hollers for me. Asks this young man have you been drinking? NO doing drugs? No answer. Yells for me again. I get up see hubby and stranger in front room head to bathroom shut door and grab a pair of pants. Hear you are not allowed to go down there. My daughter is screaming. My sons are screaming also and I am too. Hubby on the ground getting the holy shit kicked out of him. I still do not know how my 7yr old got to me. My 14 yr old son Josh take a samurai kat-ana and take it out of the scabbard and beats this young man on his back and yells get off my dad. Strangers finally get up and runs for my door. Hubby shut door on young mans head, and tears his shirt trying to grab him. I"m finally able to get to the phone call the police. Josh takes off to neighbors to call for help. I go outside no longer feeling safe in my home talking to police and neighbor at the same time when I hear someone calls my name. I look across the street to my cousins house, and see someone. I tell the police I am walking over to see what Jason wants and to let him know I am okay. It wasn't Jason it was the perp who was in my home coming straight for me. I start yelling he is coming after me. Hubby go out door as I run in. Hubby finally comes in and passed out right in my front room. I asking the police what is taking so long. Finally show up tell them where the perp came from. Police bring him out of a house right across the street from me. I identify him. hubby had to go to hospital had a broken nose, hematoma to the back of his right ear damage to his left shoulder to the point he had to have surgery on it on Nov 18th. Lord what is going on? |
| 12:02 am | Sally I have thought about getting a tattoo for our unique friendship for each other. I thought about getting a ribbon like the one for breast cancer, but having mine a rainbow of colors, and having a heart above and below the ribbon. In the two different hearts would be our names, and the ribbon it's self would have sister's by the heart. I also thought about getting a celtic heart and in the inside have our names intertwined, and the heart would say sisters by the heart. Any idea's out there? I really want a tattoo for Sally and me. It has been a year now since she died, and i miss her something fierce, and I still feel like a piece of my heart is missing. |
| Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 | |
| 11:56 pm | Aunt Sally thought i would let those of you who really know me. My aunt Sally we were more like sisters of the heart more than aunt/niece we were very close in age. I am 41 and Sally 46. Sally passed away yesterday after a 10 month battle with cancer, it was in her lungs, liver, pancreas, bone,and her nerves. her long tremendous battle is finally over and she can finally rest. she is in my play do wounds ever heal. right now I am very numb, but i do really wonder how I will deal with this since we were so close. I feel like a bird in a cage as everyone is watching me very closely. |
| 11:55 pm | Aunt Sally I feel so alone since Sally died. As I stated in my last posting Sally was more like a sister to me than an Aunt. I heard from the nurses she was sitting up and talking and even ate some thing, but wanted to go to sleep well the rest is history. I was a half hour late of seeing her die. I don't understand why she went so fast. Why didn't she fight harder? Why didn't wait for me? I feel like a part of me died and is buried with Sally. I could tell her anything she knew everything, Now who do I talk too? Sally was online and we would chat. I knew she would never judge me. I was to finally take my CNA exam and I forgot my id at home an hour away from the testing center. I have to reschedule ugh just my luck. When I realized i forgot my id I felt like a complete and utter idiot. I even told them at the testing center I was so stupid. One lady came over once she found out why I was breaking told me No I wasn't stupid, and talk t the Springfield and explain what happened, so I can retake my CNA exam. |
| 11:51 pm | Aunt Sally May 22, 2007 It is hard to believe but April was a month of of hell. First I had the 1st anniversary of Sally's death on the 7th. Then the very next day the 8th was my Mom's death anniversary of 19 years, then my Dad's was April 22nd at 10years. What makes this so hard is my employer which is a nursing home. I called them 15th letting them know I hurt my back. Well they call me back in 24hrs stating on my voice mail til I have proof I am taking my CNA exam I can not set foot on the floor. They dog gone know I was scheduled for April 19th. I called Springfield to verify I am scheduled for my CNA exam. Tony verified everything and to boot he gave me his extension number for my work. I call Good Samaritan and told my D. O. N. Got another call back this on telling me I will have to take my CNA schooling all over again. I was shocked. I know I have 2 years to take my exam and pass it and get to work. I again called Springfield and talked to Tony. He reasurred me I didn't have to go back to school and didn't know what my job was trying to pull. I called back to work, and informed them I am scheduled for my CNA exam on Friday april 19th in Bloomington, IL. I do not have to redo my schooling. In the meantime I went looking for another job. I work now for Manpower. I don't make what I was making. I was making 9.50hr now I make 8hr. but I figure will gas I am breaking even. I did take my CNA exam and Passed. Have I talked to Good Sam since? Nope has they talked to me? Nope. They did how ever try and make me feel guilty and all but no luck and I didn't sign any of their papers and yes I did get my last pay. Will I go back to nursing. Oh yea I will but it will be on my terms and my shift now. I am good a nursing. I thought I might go back to school and get my RN. We will see. |
| 11:49 pm | Still dealing with Sally's death June 12, 2007. I am still dealing with Sally's untimely death. I am beating myself over the head trying to figure out why I did not call her back the night before. Why was I so dog gone worried about my internet not working, and had Shawn(hubby) call our local cable company to find out. I know why I was worried the internet was Sally's and mine communication and we would chat for hours. Anyway cable company messed up my connection and as you all know I was unable to get there in time to be with Sally when she died. I do not know how may of you have read my play Do Wounds Ever Heal. but I am thinking of adding to it. Here is some thoughts. I am compelled to assess your achievement and your failures. For some 15 years I was your daughter, your sidekick and your Sancho Panza. By that I have learned a million things a child should never know. Cursed you long and loud "damn you Dale Rogers" Do you hear me? Cried a million tears. Having to deal with the anger, hurt, betrayal, loneliness, never trusting, thinking I was a bad kid, and I must do what you want to keep your love. The ending I want to change with just me standing alone. Maybe stating this is now my story to tell as I am now all alone. Sally has passed away and now I must face the future by myself and be haunted by my past. Will I ever move on? I don't know why but this is the first time in a long time. I know Sally has only been dead 3 months but I am starting to find my self starting to break down and cry even at work. |
| 11:45 pm | My Nephew Lord where do I begin. I m going to apologize now if this triggers anything. I don't know how to hide what I am writing. Anyway my husband received a phone call approx 3-4 weeks ago from a former sister-in-law. In this call she stated my nephew and another boy his cousin held down a 5-6 year old little girl. the cousin told my nephew to cover her face. He placed a blanket over her. the cousin got on top and did his thing and then told my nephew it was his turn which he did. Now my nephew is 11 going on 12 but I hate to say retard. I prefer Mentally challenged, his cousin is very street wise and is 10 going on 11. The girl told her Mom friend of the former sister-in-law. They then gave the girl a bath and threw away her underwear. When we got the call it was already three days after this "Quote" happened. If there was any evidence it is all gone but any and if tearing happened. I went to the Aunt of both Boys. Told her of what I was hearing, and told her I was very concerned, and told her both boys need counseling. The other Aunt talked to the Mom's of the boys and found out "quote" yes they held this child down, but all they did was kiss her. I was then told we were blowing this thing way out of proportion. I backed off. A week later DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) got involved. The girl was checked nothing was found no tearing, scaring etc... Well duh if my version is true they would be no evidence other than tearing or scaring a week has pasted. DCFS dropped the charges. So I have been told. Again please remember I am telling this as I have heard it. My nephew was taken in for questioning and then was released. Then we heard the District Attorney was picking up the charges against my nephew and his cousin. On July 14th the day after my birthday. My former sister-in-laws trailor burnt down. My youngest nephew who is 6 thought seeing the pictures in the paper of his place was on fire was cool, but wished they showed the burned kitten. Now I am sorry that is plan gross and he needs to get help. I have also found out the cousin found the pet turtle I guess you could say mummified, and has it in his front room on the T.V. Now that is gross and what makes it more so is my younger nephew wishes they found it first. Why? so they could keep it. I received a call close to the weekend and was informed my nephew the 11yr old was caught by a neighbor with their child who is younger on top of her. They both had clothes on, but he was humping her and moaning. My brother asked his son where did he see this? He said happened to walk by on seen it on T.V. Now I am sorry you do not get these kind of ideas from seeing this one time on T.V. You may come more curious, but to act out. My sister-in-law thinks he is acting out and needs to be medicated. No amount of medicine is going to help. He needs professional help. Personally I think he had to learn it somewhere. Did he see his Mom doing the deed with her boyfriend? Did he see more them one dirty movie? I have learned through a mutual friend that my nephew told her son he is doesn't know why he is drawn to the younger girls, but says he can't help it. Yesterday my nephew and his cousin were arrested. the cousin is facing 2 counts and my nephew 4 counts of criminal sexual assault. He goes to court today and I will post again. Both of these boys my nephews are spiraling out of control and my former sister-in-law does nothing to try and control them or get them help. She uses well I can't drive so they can't get to appointments. I don't have a job to pay for gas. Now I know she will use this fire as an exuse. Lost all my identification in the fire can't look for a job, and now this with her son will be used. Again I am sorry you can not use your children as exuse. |
| 11:44 pm | My Nephew Here is the update I promised on my nephew. As you know he was arrested and had to go to court yesterday. We were told my nephew is facing 7 charges, not the originally told you about yesterday. The first 4 were on the 6year old little girl. One for holding her down,two for covering her up, three for inserting a finger in her vagina and four for inserting a finger in her anus. Now I am a bit confused here. Why? I know DCFS had this child check out and nothing was found and "quote" allegation's were dropped. Here it is a month later and the states attorney pick up these "quote" charges and had my nephew and his cousin arrested on Monday July 16th. They have to spend a week in a detention center til July 24th when we go back to court. Why did it take a month for the state to do anything? The victim was check what evidence do they have? Charges 5-7 are on another victim. My nephews own 6yr old female cousin. A neighbor caught it and spoke to the Grandmother. He was seen holding this girl down on a trampoline, and rubbing his genital area against her buttocks(please remember these kids are fully clothed), and he threaten harm if she told. I do not think a detention center is right for my nephew or his cousin for that matter. I think they need to go to a group home where they deal with these problems and get them the help they need on how to deal with this in the future. I also think they need to be psychological tested. Again please understand I am not trying to down play any of this. |
| 11:43 pm | My Nephew Yesterday was my nephew's 12th birthday, and my first one away from him. I found out but please note this is all hear say that my nephew was at his cousins house and his Mom has several porno movies and they would watch them when she wasn't home. If this is true now I know where he got the idea. Today, many people find themselves captive to addictive cycles of viewing pornography, masturbation, illicit sex, online affairs, prostitution, phone sex and other sexual activities. Many people have been emotionally wounded at some point in their lives. These wounds can create a weakness in us that makes us vulnerable to sex addiction. Some common wounds that contribute to sex addiction are molestation, rejection, abuse and neglect. A natural reaction is to seek something to remove the pain of our wounds, and to help us get our minds off it. Since sex can be such a pleasurable experience, people often run to it as a source of medication for the pain. For example, a person may find solace in pornography from the pain of rejection, past failures, or insecurity. Porn facilitates his or her sexual fantasy, which offers them the feeling of being in control , being loved and/or being sexually desired. It may give him or her a temporary comfort which soothes the pain of their troubles. Porn's pleasures come with a price. They feed a fire in us called lust. Lust is "intense or unbridled sexual desire" (Webster's). Lust acts like a fire that burns out of control. It tries to consume more and more of our thoughts and resources. The more we feed our mind with sex images, the more lust grows in our life. The power of lust can be broken. An obvious but often forgotten fact is that we have the power to choose what we will let into our eyes and minds. 1) Pornography feeds lust of the eyes and lust of the flesh, which are never satisfied. It leaves the viewer craving more and more in order to achieve the same "sexual high." It easily enslaves people to their own cravings and opens the door to other forms of evil, like anger, abuse, violence, hatred, lying, envy, compulsiveness and selfishness. The power behind porn is revealed when the porn addict tries to stop their habit - it is virtually impossible without help. 2) Pornography sexualizes the viewer's mindset. It warps and perverts their perspective such that sex is unnaturally elevated in their thoughts. Porn's images are stamped into viewer's brain with the aid of hormones released during sexual arousal. Even if a person decides to stop looking at porn, the past images can remain for years or even a lifetime. Sorry all found this on www.Porn-free.com website. Since my father watched it and I grew up with it. I agree 100% pornography is like a drug once inhaled you are its captive til you find away to break free and remain so. It hasn't been a easy road. |
| 11:42 pm | My Nephew Update my nephew had court on the 24th. We had a different judge this time. This one tried my nephew nephew and his cousin separately which was a good thing. Plus the judge pointed out how much does a 12 year old understand of the legal system. My nephew did get to come home that day he is living with his dad my brother. My nephew will have to undo psychological testing to see if he is a predator or a stalker. Or was this simply a child's mistake not understanding the new changes in his body? No one taking the time or the effort out to teach him about the changes in his body and why he gets these feelings. |
| 11:40 pm | former in-laws I volunteered to take my 6 yr old nephew to see dear old Dad. I thought what the heck I will bring my 8yr old son and he can play with both his cousins. My brother has the other boy who is 12. Everything was fine and dandy till I went to take home my nephew. I went to his Mom's no-one was home so I thought k she is over at a friends place went there and you know what? Nadda she wasn't there either and the friend had no idea where she was. I took my nephew to his Grandma the Mom's Mom. I asked if they knew where the Mom was. They while in church got a message from her saying she was going out of town with this truck driver who she met on the internet, and would be back the 14th. Now this is just bogus both the Grandma, Aunt, Dad and myself were all set up. The Mom had this planned. the Grandma told her No she could not take the Grandson for that long as her eyes are bad. the Aunt is busting her tail working 2 jobs paying of student loans, and has never had kids and chose not to for a reason. She doesn't want to be stuck raising this child for a possibility of another 12yrs. My brother the Dad is furious over all this. He has went to the city police and filed a report on her for abandonment and filed one with DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) then he went so far as to contact Public-aid. Why? Well She was claiming all her kids for food stamps. her 16yr old daughter moved out back on June 1st and lives with the Grandma. The 17 yr old moved out with the boyfriend back in July. The 12 yr old has lived with my brother since July sometime. Hmmmm she should get punished. She shouldn't get away scott free. Sorry to vent I am just so frustrated over all this. As always I was pulled into this mess. Why this family always wants to draw me into the middle is beyond me, but I wish they would leave me out of it. My brother is wanting to go for full custody of the 6yr old. Can't say I blame him. |
| Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 | |
| 9:01 am | new I to all I am new to this journal. I was told by a friend about this place. We are both live journal users, but they are deleting whole journals just cause you may click Rape as an intesrest. My point is that does not mean I am going out to rape someone. I have a interest to see if there are other rape victims out there who were to afraid to talk like I was almost 10yrs ago. |